Have you ever got to the place in your life as a Father or Mother where things weigh so heavily upon your heart that it is almost too much to bear? As you sit in the chair, rocking slightly back and forth, gazing over the wind swept ocean, thinking…”No more, please no more”
Pressure mounts, layer upon layer. I remember a time when I paddled out south av. It was probably 10 years ago now. It was monstrous. These perfect 12 foot set were rolling across the bay. Me, Pete and Benny paddled out, in front of little Avalon. Got absolutely smashed paddling out, but eventually got out beyond the break. As we sat there floating over these watery mountains I felt like I was truly living.
I turned my eyes, and saw one feather off indicators (north Bilgola) and new a good one was coming. So I paddled for north Av, and swung around just in time to launch into a beautiful mountain of ocean. Dropping down and burying my rail into this beast I felt fear and invincibility all at the same time. The speed, the power that had nothing to do with me, was humbling. Just shy of middle of the beach I pull out, and as I pulled off the back I looked out and saw 3-4 bigger sets feathering to break further out.
I was too far out to paddle for shore, and too far in to get over them, so I just paddled out to meet them. Sometimes life is just like that. You know sometimes in life you are going to take a beating and all you can do is just face it, walk towards it. Or in my case paddle.
So as the first one broke some 8 feet in front of me, I dove to avoid the explosion of white-water. It hit me anyway, and made me feel very very small. As I swam for the surface, the second wave hit, and drove me deeper down. I was struggling, swimming, and measuring my breath. I got up and a quick breath before the third hit and finally came up when that one passed.
I came up to find my beautiful 7’6 gun broken in two and only about 2 feet left of it. The two feet I had to paddle to shore. So I reached shore, tired. And bleeding from paddling the broken fibreglass. What a morning.
As a parent I have had days like this, weeks like this. Where you can be on top of the world and then in a moment be facing the beating of your life, where in that beating there are times when you are not sure you will ever make it up to once again breathe the fresh air of a normal day.
A good friend once told me “the key to parenthood is consistency”. It is so incredibly true. Consistently keep going, stand firm, love, show grace, strength and warmth. My sons will look at me for what they need in there lives. When they need strength they will look to see if I am strong, when they need to know love, they will look to how I love them. When they need grace, they will look to how gracious I am.
I am at the point of no retreat. I adore my champion j man and my memorizing little Reef. So when the beatings of life come, I keep swimming for the surface, but I will never give up and sink.
