As I open my eyes and looked out across the ocean I just knew it was blowing westerly. The ocean had that smooth cold look about it. It was race day, and I have to say I was a touch apprehensive about my first downwind ocean stand up race. The thought of 16-20km or 2 and half hours of paddling down the coast was daunting.
Although even more so today, as the wind was completely wrong. Very very wrong. In down wind you ideally want the wind on your back, and a good pushing swell running underneath you. Not a wind that runs across you, or even worse directly against you.
So I kissed my boys, gave Jem the run down and headed off. As I drove to long reef the wind just kept getting stronger and stronger, but it was a head wind. My heart sank, I was not going to pull out, I knew I had to follow through, but I just knew the pain ahead.
Getting ready at the car, struggling with the board as the wind attempted to blow it back to Dee Why, and seeing people looking at me like I was a complete nut case was easy ha. As I stood on the beach with the Simon, Sam and Stuart. We were the only 4 in this division. As I looked at each of the guys, they were all thinking what I was. Lets just finish this one.
As the gusts came across the board pushing me out to sea, and I pushed and pushed until I got a lull to rest and drink, i decided I was not going to try to beat anyone. I was just going to set my strategy and get to the end. I looked out to my right and saw stuart getting pushed further and further out to sea, and I knew he was not going to get back. The rescue boat shot out and dragged him back in 100 metres, and he resumed paddling. We had gone from fisherman’s to north narrabeen and rounded the first bouy, and headed back to long reef with a fraction of the howling offshore with us.
I actually smiled to myself as I rounded that bouy and thought “that must be the worst of it. We have the North Westerly behind us now, and long reef will be protected. A easy cruise home.” I could not have been more wrong.
The paddle up to long reef head land was tough but do-able. As I rounded the point I saw what I never expected. The wind had turned westerly and was running right in our faces. On BOM it was clocked at 37 knots. At one point I felt like I was going backwards. My feet had pins and needles and my back was cramping up. I thought to myself, pull yourself together son, this is not a long race. I was pushing and pushing and not making ground.
I got down on my knees, put my head down and paddled as hard as I could. I thought to myself, I don’t care how long it takes, I am finishing this race. In that last 40 minutes on my knee’s I learnt more about myself and how I can let pain teach me or beat me than any other paddle I have ever done.
I rounded the last bouy, and took to my feet. I thought, well I started this standing I am going to finish it standing. I got feeling back in my legs and paddled the last 200 metres to shore. Out of the four of us, three of us finished the race.
Sam won, Stuart came in second and I hit shore 7 minutes after him. 1 hour 59 minutes after starting. I felt sore and sick but at the same time elated.
I know it was only a race but there are times in your life that teach you lessons that last, this was one of them. I have gone through life at times avoiding painful situations thinking they would go away… they don’t. I have hit head winds that have made me feel like I am going back personally, emotionally, spiritually. At times I have stopped and waited for the wind to die off, but then find myself even further away from where I want to be.
When we are faced with a head wind, be it gale force or a breeze. Those are the times to push in, dig deep and surge ahead. Sometimes, we have to drop to our knee’s in order to get through. I see pain not as something I want to be faced with, but when I am, I will determine to learn from it and not run from it……anymore.
